For as long as us girls can remember, we have longed to be married. We have planned every detail of our wedding. Some of us have even made a checklist of what our potential husband must be like. What we really need be doing is making a checklist for ourselves and prepare ourselves for marriage instead of focusing so much on the guy we want to marry. God will provide the man He has designed for you. As for yourself, make sure you are ready. It seems like we have fallen in love with the wedding ceremony and the idea of being married without even really knowing what it’s about. As I quoted in my last blog:
Just like how God chooses us; a man chooses a bride, loves her, makes a covenant with her, and gives himself completely to her. The woman responds by receiving his love, surrendering to him, entering into this covenant bond with him, and becoming one flesh with him. Marriage stands for the creation of unity among two people who were once separated in every way before love reached out and found the other- the same way God reached out and found us, and covenanted with us, and loved us, and despite what we’re like, still loves us. -Priscilla Shirer
Make a checklist for yourself. Put some goals and obstacles you need to overcome before getting married. Here is an example:
- Overcome past hurts so they won’t effect my marriage. (and forget about them)
- Start a career. (it’s good to be financially stable before marriage)
- Be able to submit myself to another man.
- Learn to cook. (or learn to cook things he will like, lol)
- Be able to love a man unconditionally.
- Learn to be a forgiving person. (it is harder than you think)
- Be able to sacrifice ‘girl time’. (to spend time with him)
- Learn how to save money. ← this one is hard for me.
- Don’t be judgmental. (don’t judge based on his past)
- Learn to be more secure and confident about myself. ← this one is also hard for me.
Make your own list and seriously work on those things before considering to commit yourself to a man for the rest of your life.
-Here are just a few things I have learned that we ladies must be prepared for in order for marriage to work:
1. You have to surrender yourself to him. →The definition of surrendering is to ‘submit to authority’. Most people find the concept of surrendering to another person frightening. It doesn’t mean “I give up, have it your way”. Surrendering yourself means letting go. It means putting aside your wants and instead focusing on your husbands wants. You need to figure out what he desires from you, and fulfill those needs. Do whatever you can to please him (as long as it lines up with God’s Word). When your husband sees how focused you are on pleasing him and supporting him, he will want to do those same things for you. Respect is the #1 thing a man desires from a woman so focus on that. If you feel like you’re not ready to submit completely to a man then spend time in God’s Word and in prayer. Let God change your heart.
Ephesians 5:22-24 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
2. You have to love him unconditionally. → The definition of Agape love or unconditional love is to “love somebody with no conditions or circumstances: to love completely’. Just like how God loves us no matter what we have done, what we do, or what we are going to do, He still loves us. There is nothing in this world that can separate you from God’s love (Romans 8:38). Same goes with marriage. We are required to love that person no matter what they have done, what they do, or what they’re going to do. Just simply accept them for who they really are. Other than God, your spouse should be first. You have to put them above your children, family, ministry, job, everything. That is the only way your marriage can be successful.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love never fails.
3. You can’t let past hurts determine the way you treat him. → Never compare your boyfriend, fiancé, or husband to another man, especially to ex boyfriends. Don’t ever think that he is going to do something just because someone else has done it to you in the past. Satan has put various lies in our heads like; “he doesn’t really love you”, “he is going to cheat on you”, “he doesn’t think you’re attractive”, and it’s hard to over look those things. Just remember, he is not your ex. I’ll be the first one to tell you, it’s hard to love someone when (almost) every other man in your life has treated you like garbage. From the time I was in tenth grade (which is 8 years ago) until now, I have had 5 boyfriends. The majority of them cheated on me, left me, was verbally abusive to me, lied to me, and the list goes on and on. Then one day, God sent a wonderful godly man into my life and we have been together for almost 3 years now and married for 5 months. But one thing I still struggle with from time to time is realizing my husband is nothing like any of my exes. He is actually completely the opposite. He puts God first in our marriage. Then he puts me above himself, his family, his hobbies, etc. He’s never going to leave me. So, I must treat him as if no one has ever hurt me or left me.
1 John 4:7-8 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 8But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
4. You need a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. → This is the most important point of them all…. Do you know Jesus? I don’t want to know if you have heard about him. I just want to know, do you really know who He is? He is the all-knowing, all-powerful, Creator, Redeemer, Almighty God of this world. He loves you. He knew about you before He formed you in your mothers womb. He knew you were going to read this and that you would question yourself if you really know Him. He’s waiting on you. Every person on this earth has sinned, except Jesus. Because we have sinned, we are destined for Hell. But, because God sent His Son to die for us, we can spend eternity with Him in heaven. All you have to do is confess to God that you have sinned, repent of your sins, believe that God raised Jesus from the grave, and trust Him with your life. It will be the best decision you could ever make.
Jeremiah 1:5 “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you..”
Romans 3:23 “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.”
Romans 10:13 “For everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved.”
If you do know Him and if you don’t put Him first in your marriage, it will never work. You have got to give your relationships and marriages completely to God and then He will bless them more than you could ever even imagine. Put your trust in Him and let Him do the rest.
Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.